I knew I shouldn't have done it .. but I did

Yesterday I went to Tesco's to buy a wrap for lunch and also bought a bag a sweets and a cream cake, I got back to the house and ate the lot. Groan.. it's teenagers that do that. So the inevitable bought of nausea followed and I felt so sick.
Went to bed, took 2 painkillers for my back that didn't work so took another two and it was still the early hours before I fell alseep. Whether that was coz I was relieved of the pain or just so tired I dunno. Shared the night with Jake who as always was a great comfort.

Argumentive over nothing

No one else to talk to so I am gonna rant on here instead.

Okay Brian used to leave the loo unflushed after a poo 3-4 times a week which I find disgusting and trampy. After many an argument over this, as he'd say he wasn't bothered about flushing properly... ugh!!  he finally stopped, well reduced it quite a bit..   However today he did it again and all I said was "Oh Brian" I did not want to stand in a toilet room with a bowl ful of his poo and believe me its full... So I went upstairs, my choice..  So I come down to him shouting at me as to why I couldn't flush it...  why should I, all that will do is encourage to leave more and more of these episodes. I said "Does it really interfere in your life" so he said yes it did,, my god,,  flushing his shite away is gonna distrupt his life.... 

Then he starts nit picking getting more and more argumentive and bad tempered... and in temper kicked Jake's little toy duck... oh how macho....  I think it is an excuse to cause a bad argument so he feels less guilty about going away all next week. He says he's going to watch his sons play croquet all week in Nottingham but then when he had his sleezy affair with prostitutes for two years it was photography. So has it gone to being called photography to croquet now...

Oh and guess what, when we finished the electric fencing yesterday I put some short bits of wire into a tub, that now means I dictate where everything at the stables has got to go. I've told him to F***.*ff not nice language I know but he is soooo childish and pathetic.  He just said okay and went off in a mood so I guess that is another excuse why he can go and visit slags.

Feeling so ill today

Woke up this morning in so much pain I've decided I need to buy something that will give my back more support at night. It don't help either that I feel like I am gonna throw up every time I move and any slight movement I do make has the room spinning.
Brian has suggested I ask the doctor for more morphine as the strong painkillers I am on today didn't help all that much and I took 4 within an hour.
It also don't help that I seen to the horses yesterday and the little I did was still too much. I have a blog about my days with my horses at My Horsemanship Journey
Its 2.45pm and allI have managed to eat all day is a small slice of toast.. I have some indian curry from yesterday but not sure if I can stomach that now...  and I love a good Chicken and Mushroom Biriany...

Spinal Operation

Monday 14th June was a day I never expected, the last I recall it was around 11am ish and I was doing some cleaning in the bedroom, next thing I know I wake up approx 2 hrs later in agony. I am alone in the house and the pain in my back is so intense I can only shuffle backwards. I somehow managed to get downstairs and call 999, I don't recall opening the door as I came downstairs but I must have as the paramdics came in and helped me.
Here's me thinking it was another collapsed lung due to the immense pain in my back but xrays that day rulked that out.
Tuesday after a CT scan it was discovered I'd crushed 2 vertebrae meaning I needed an operation on my spine. All this time I'm worried about my dog Jake and the horses but Brian is there to see to Jake and he contacted the yard owner to see to the the horses.
A week later on Monday 21st I had my operation, I was petrified as I'd been given the usual talk about possible risks and it scared the hell out of me. But I'm still here and the operation went well.

Now its Friday 16th July, every morning I wake in pain after a restless and painful night.. I get a little relief with painkillers and some days are worse than others. I am needing a walking stick to help get around as walking is painful. Hospital appointments are plentiful and so far I've had 2 with about another 6 to go to try and find out why I collapsed in the first place.

So how am I feeling? Lonely, lost, depressed, sad, yes I feel all those enotions, I miss my dad, my son Jamie and some members of my family, being 240 miles away from them all is no help.

So how do I get through each day.. Jake that's how... having had an operation himself he is my saviour.. He comes and curls up next to me, sometimes he plays rough sometimes he just wants to cuddle in...